You know what’s awesome? When I can go out to fancy brunch like any other normal eater and just eat. Just indulge in the rich taste, enjoy food I would not normally consume, and sit and laugh with someone I deeply care about…without panicking over calories, portion sizes, or cleaning my plate. Knowing full well that I am eating more than I would under usual circumstances, but also knowing that I will adjust the rest of my intake according to how my body feels. Knowing that one decadent meal does not mean I need to restrict what else I may/may not eat…and also knowing that one decadent meal does not provide me with an all-access ticket to continue my meal into a frantic binge.
One meal does not define me. Food does not define me. Both are mere sources of objective energy. These, sources, of course, are highly distorted, thanks to the emotional attachment and connotations associated with eating in general. But, I’m slowly chipping away those stigmas with each breakthrough.
Today is good. I am happy to be alive and grateful for recovery. I feel refreshed and energized. Today would have been my “sixty” days of OA abstinence, but I did lapse once last week, so my technical number is different. Who cares?!?! I am more than a summation of “abstinent” days, and I can define my recovery however I damn well please.
This was not a “treat” or a “punishment.” This was simply a meal. This was a conversation where food just happened to be involved. This was living to be living, trusting my own instincts, and enjoying the pleasures of life without obsessing, dwelling, or worrying.
It feels amazing.<3