Myths Your Eating Disorder Tells You

You can get rid of me any time. I promise. This is just a phase. Just a diet. Tomorrow, you can start fresh. Tomorrow, you won’t be tempted or triggered by me anymore. I promise, you can eliminate me anytime you like. Why would I want to hurt you? I’m here to help. 

In fact, why don’t you look at like this? You need me. Without me, how would you have any sense of control? You wouldn’t. You would be completely overwhelmed by your own emotions and own existence. You should be thanking me for saving you! I am protecting you from the chaotic abyss that is the dark and scary unknown. I am rescuing you from external pain

And your body needs me. Without me, it would be even worse than it already is…if you could imagine that to be possible. It, too, would be uncontrollable. Large and grotesque and unlovable and undesirable…and, that, of course, is why you need me. To motivate you. To lift you up when you’re down. To get you the body that will finally give you the happiness and pride you seek. Your body needs my voice in order to keep it humbled, guilty, and structured. Your body needs me, because it cannot be trusted to make its own decisions. Imagine how terrible its choices would be! Your body is fighting against you! Remember, I am on your side.

Because other people will try to feed you lies and tell you I’m dangerous and destructive, you need to be secretive about me. Otherwise, they will just overreact and panic. They will treat you like a bad person; they will tell you that you are pathetic and weak. I’ll never hurt you like they will. Besides, they can never understand. They don’t understand what it’s like to feel comforted and secure…they don’t understand how important it is to have a good body and a sense of control. They’re clearly missing out.

Again, you can get rid of me anytime. This will be the last binge. This will be the last purge. Let’s just make it a good one, since it’s going to be your last, right? Better leave off with a bang! Wouldn’t want to second-guess your decision, right? Then, I promise, I’m done! I’ll leave! I would never want to hurt you. 

i mean, you’re not going to get to that goal weight, but I’ll leave. I get that you want your health and sanity and happiness back. Just know that you’re not going to be skinny. And therefore, you’re not going to be happy. Or healthy. Or lovable. So, the choice is yours, but I just want to warn you. We set our for a specific mission, remember? Do we want all that hard work to go unaccounted? Remember all those missed meals and passed snacks? Remember when I helped you resist those treats even when you were yelling at me, telling me how much you wanted them? That took effort! I had to do some powerful persuasion, and you clearly cannot appreciate my efforts. I’m glad you want to go back to the miserable way you were before me.

You’ve come such a far way. And now, now, you want to leave me? HA! How are you going to handle anything without me? You need me now! I’m in your mind, your body, and your soul. I’m your closest friend, as I’ve distanced you from everyone else. I’m a parasite, and you’re my host. We both need each other to survive now. We breathe the same air. You can’t just get rid of me so easily. You can’t just say goodbye, as if what we had meant nothing. Because, without me, you are nothing. 

I give you meaning. I give you purpose. And a negative identity sure beats no identity. 

 

5 thoughts on “Myths Your Eating Disorder Tells You

  1. I haven’t struggled in a while, but I purged yesterday after eating things I never allow myself to. Why do I struggle so much when others don’t seem to care?

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