I ended up quitting the job last week because things were getting out of hand. Illegal, unethical, and dangerous things began happening. I’ve never left a job without backup, and it’s somewhat terrifying and somewhat exciting at the same time.
I’m interviewing with two eating disorder programs. I had two interviews with a PHP/IOP program last week and one interview with an IOP/OP program as well. I feel like I strongly connected with both interviewers, and the conversation flowed easily and naturally.
I don’t want to reveal any identifying information on here, but I’m really, really, really keeping my fingers crossed!
I’m in the waiting game now. I know it’s only a matter of time, but I’d be lying if i said I wasn’t anxious!!! I really struggle without having a tangible plan and I get so anxious about money, but at the same time, I don’t want to settle for a job that doesn’t suit me. Burnout worries me; I don’t want to be jaded in this field. Therapy is what I’m meant to do, and so I need to be in a healthy and comfortable work environment in order to do that.
In other exciting news, I found my wedding dress yesterday!!!! It was the first one I tried on, and I fell in love the same way I did with my now-fiance. I just knew! Ah, that sounds so cliched, but I tried on several others, and NOOOOOOOPE. I just wanted to go back.
The wedding planning is fun. I’m not very high-maintenance at all, and so the Bridezilla monster doesn’t come out. To me, it’s just a really awesome, special day, but it’s the marriage, the 50+ years (knock on wood!) that’s infinitely more important. I find it disturbing and worrisome that couples spend more time choosing wedding colors and tasting cake than, you know, preparing for actual marriage.
Things keep changing everyday, and I really do hope that one of these jobs works out. I already turned down a part-time position with another substance abuse facility, because I want to start working exclusively with the ED population!
It’s been my dream forever, but of course, this also will bring its own personal challenges (my recovery, countertransference/transference, disclosure vs. non-disclosure, etc.) Having worked in substance abuse for as long as I have, I’ve worked with so many colleagues who openly talk about their own struggles and addictions. I haven’t yet decided how (if at all) I will address my past with my clients. Because I’m young and because my recovery is ongoing (as I believe eating disorder work always is), I’m not sure if it would be appropriate or discouraging. Not sure if it makes for a weird boundary or makes for strong rapport because someone else has “been there.” Not even sure how it will affect my own confidence and strength in the recovery game. Not sure, not sure, not sure, but this is what supervision and my own therapy will be for.
It’ll obviously be a huge learning curve, but I’m ready for the challenge. I know my passion and knowledge and empathy will make me a strong fit for this kind of work. And even though I’m not 100% in my own recovery, I think that’s okay, too. I’m still a human. I’m still going to fuck up, mess up, eat too much and eat too little, hate my weight, and want to cry, but that doesn’t mean I’ll ever let this thing defeat me. It’ll always be an ongoing process, and I’ve accepted the journey. There are more easy days than hard days, and I hold onto those. There is more acceptance and love than resistance and hate. It’s never perfect. It can never be perfect. I just have to embrace what is.
I hope to teach my clients the same one day 🙂