I’m always grateful for my recovery! I love writing down all the reasons recovery is worth it 🙂
1. Being able to spontaneously go out for pancakes because they are my favorite food in the world and because I wanted them. And not feeling one shred of guilt, desire to binge, or the inkling to restrict my food intake later during the day.
2. Going on long and beautiful walk on the beach with my brother. Not for the exercise, not for the workout, but just because it was a gorgeous summer morning and I wanted to catch up with my best friend.
3. Stumbling upon a cute coffee shop and drinking DELICIOUS coffee, because let’s face it, I’m kind of caffeine-blooded.
4. Wearing tank tops and shorts basically all day everyday because I know I can rock them.
5. Being in love with someone else is so much better when you are able to ALSO be in love with yourself. I’m FINALLY there. I’ve never been so confident and self-assured in my own skin before, and my goodness, it feels good!!!
6. Sex. Sex. Sex. Good, great, earth-shattering sex. No inhibitions. No reservations.
7. The awareness that life is hard. That life is unpredictable, crazy, jarred, and messy. But that the most gorgeous beauty lies in that chaos. I don’t have to try and control any of it. I can release the stress and fear and just RIDE the intoxicating energy that is the journey of my LIFE.
8. Because I’m backpacking around Europe in a few weeks and this is the first vacation in years that I can honestly say I could care LESS about what I’ll be eating or not eating and what I’ll be weighing or not weighing. This experience is going to rock my world and I’m going to enjoy every moment of it.
9. Having the ability to reframe situations, challenge distortions, practice reality testing, and cope with stress in POSITIVE and CONSTRUCTIVE ways that HELP, rather than HARM me.
10. Being able to envision and live a happy life free of maladaptive behaviors and free of the prisoned chokehold that was my eating disorder.
I am happier than I’ve ever been, and I don’t lose sight of that gratitude for one second. It could disappear at any second. In my past, I would be scared of this bliss slipping away, as if I didn’t deserve it, as if everything would crumble like sand falling through my fingers, but I no longer live in that fear. I am worthy of this joy and bliss. None of us deserve anything in this life, so I am grateful for anything and everything I receive.
I don’t believe in random luck. I believe luck is the sum of hard work meeting opportunity. The happiest people are the ones who DESIRE to take risks, who CRAVE growth, who INTERPRET the world with a curious eye. We are all existing…we are all ticking to our own individual death clocks, whether we like it or not. Mortality is the only given right we get in this life. May as well make the most of what we got, right?